|"On the lighter side" ........ - Declaration of Arrival -
This document was donated by Gary Goodwin of Company A 1st Ban 1/77 Armor.
Do any of you recall a copy laying around at home when you arrived? Copied
from the original as it appeared in the late 1960s. No changes or
correction have been made to this document. Original author unknown.
DEPARTMENT OF THE ARMY.
Company A, 1st Battalion, 77th Armor
APO San Francisco 96477
SUBJECT: Declaration of Arrival
TO: Friends, Relatives and Drinking Buddies
You are hereby officially warned that _______________________________will
be released in your vicinity in the near future. By this notice, the
Department of the Army hereby denies and dissolves any responsibility for,
or control over the above named individual and therefore absolves itself
from any legal or moral difficulties in which the individual may find
In making your preparations to rehabilitate him to the customs of civilized
society, you must remember, and make allowances for the crude and
animalistic enviroment in which he has existed for the past year, beware of
the vulgarity and uncouth profanity, some characteristics of Amy grammar
which differ remarkably from their civilian counterpart.
For the first few weeks he is home, be patient. Please overlook
peculiarities in his behavior such as cowering in the corner or under
tables at loud noises. Be tollerant when he digs trenches in your lawn and
insists on piling sandbags around your house. Find no alarm when he throws
candy and gum at the neighborhood children as you drive down the street.
Please inform neighbors who water their lawns between 8:00 and 10:00 PM
that he may wander over with a towel and soap and proceed to shower. If
they can arrange to heat the water., he will be forever grateful. Above all
else, NEVER, NEVER mention "Lifer", VRB, Re-Up, or Re-Enlist", in his
You may have to assure him that he will never have to pull KP or Guard Duty
again. When you observe him at meals, please be patient if he eats if
someone is trying to steal his food. Do not comment if he eats and drinks
from tin cans, pours gravy on his dessert or mixes strawberries with
chicken pot pie. If he shuns cream beef on toast, potatoes, fired eggs,
stew, or meat loaf; it is not a reflection on your cooking.
The final area of consideration is of extreme importance. Be especially
vigilant when HE is in the presence of the OPPOSITE SEX! For the 1st Week
or so he will probably just sit and gawk at this strange new creature. It
is only when he begins to mumbles to himself, evade looking you in the eye
or starts drooling uncontrolably; that his memory his returning. When this
happens, warn all females between the ages of seven and seventy. Suggest
they arm themselves or purchase a vicious dog.
Treat him with kindness and an occasional fifth of his choice and you will
be able to rehabilitate what is now the hollow shell of what was once a
proud civilian. So, come the day of ____________
in the year of Our Lord, 1969; get the people off the streets, notify the
civil authorities, and fill the refrigerator with beer, because the KID IS
With my deepest sympathies,
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